Grave Stones...

[Corban]

He's a couple I've found...

(Note This 1st 1 may be offensive so DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE UNDER 13)
Well now that the warning is in place so I hopefully won't get in trouble... here it is...

This is widely rumored to be authentic:

Here lies the bones of Elizabeth Moore
Born a virgin, died a whore.
She was aye a virgin at seventeen
A remarkable thing in Aberdeen.

[Corban]

Now these should be ok for anybody...

"I've got Oreos down here..."

"I knew if I lived long enough something like this would happen "

On a grave in the East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.

Epitaph for a loving husband, by his widow:
Rest in peace - Until we meet again.

From Shropshire, England:
Here lies the body of Martha Elias
Always busy, but not very pious
She lived to the age of threescore and ten
And gave to the worms what she refused to men.

In Devon, England:
Here lie I, by the chancel door,
Here lie I, because I'm poor,
The farther in, the more you pay,
Yet here lie I, as warm as they.

One from a graveyard in Sargentville, Maine:
Sacred to the memory of Elisha Philbrook and his wife
Beneath these stones do lie, back to back, my wife and I
When the last trumpet the air shall fill,
If she gets up, I'll just lie still.

From Kilmurry, Ireland:
This stone was raised by Sarah's lord,
Not Sarah's virtues to record,
For they're well known to all the town,
But it was raised to keep her down.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.

Here lies the body of an atheist...
All dressed up and no place to go

[Corban]

On re-incarnation...

These two guys were talking in a hotel I was in.....One asked the other what he was doing there and he told him he was in London for the
"Conference on Reincarnation".
He said "I have paid £5500 altogether to come from America and stay at this expensive hotel, just for the conference".
The man he was talking to said..."That is a lot of money"
To which the American man replied "Well I thought, what the heck man You only live once!!!!....................

[Gen. Volkov]

*laughs*. NICE.

[Corban]

Glad you like them... Here are some more...

"Gone for lunch"

"Still thirsty."

"He's Not Here"

"He went peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers!"

"I told you I was sick"

"Sorry, wrong place mate!"

"This is a waste of space"

"Reserved"

You're standing on my crotch.

"It's worse than that, I'm dead Jim!"

"Bits of him live on" (Someone who is donating parts of his body to give to others i.e. heart)

"Late again"

"Didn't get up this mornin'..."

I might post more latter.... Depends if I play fable and read all the grave stones... *laughs*